


Missing

by tahirire



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Comment Fic, Gen, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-18
Updated: 2010-06-18
Packaged: 2017-10-26 05:41:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/279361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tahirire/pseuds/tahirire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the <span><a href="http://spnquotefic.livejournal.com/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://spnquotefic.livejournal.com/"><b>spnquotefic</b></a></span>  meme # 1, <a href="http://community.livejournal.com/spnquotefic/721.html">The Pilot</a>. Prompt: <em>Sam: "You remember the poltergeist in Amherst or the devil's gates in Clifton? He was missing then, too. He's always missing, and he's always fine."</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Missing

When Sammy was a baby, John was there when he took his first steps. It was harder to leave the boys alone back then; Sam seemed so fragile and tiny in John’s hands, and a pall of evil followed him like a shroud, haunting his innocence wherever they went.

When Sammy took his first steps, John was so proud that he tucked Dean under his right arm and, bending double, he held Sammy’s small hand in his left and guided them straight to the car. From there he drove them to the ice cream shop, and Dean ordered chocolate and Sammy took one bite of his vanilla and then tried to slink out of the booth because he wanted to try it again, and even though it was hardly any kind of a real celebration, John watched Mary’s boys laugh and smile and felt like maybe he could do it after all. Like maybe he could protect them.

Looking back now, he thinks maybe he was wrong.

The _whirr_ of the respirator is the only sound in the room, and John watches Dean’s chest rise and fall, stilted, like it would rather just rest forever.

When Sam first learned the truth, Dean had been the one to tell him. Dean had comforted him and made him believe it was going to be alright, because Dean believed in his father. And it worked, because Sam believed in Dean.

When Sam kissed a girl for the first time, he’d told Dean about it, and Dean had told John, and John had been weirdly proud of how proud _Dean_ was.

When Sam graduated, he didn’t go. John didn’t push him, either – what would be the point? It would have just seemed hypocritical, after all of their fighting. Dean, though … it didn’t settle right with Dean. Sam had all but decked his brother to get some peace and quiet that night, but Dean prevailed in the end, and he dragged Sam out for beers and a couple of appearances at an after party or two. Gave Sam the chance to say goodbye to what few friends he’d managed to make that month.

John has heard men say that when a guy is about to die, his life flashes before his eyes. John barely remembers his own life, but as he sits there in the dark and watches his sons' lives scroll across the mirror of his memories, one thing becomes abundantly clear.

All of Sam’s life, John has been missing.

He sighs and runs a tired, shaky hand through his beard. Mary hated him with a beard, always poked at him to shave it off. If he was honest with himself, he’d admit that her annoyance was why he’d grown it in the first place. He liked the way she wrinkled her nose when she got upset.

John wants to take Dean’s hand, to tell him it’s going to be alright and he loves him, but he’s alone in the room. Dean isn't in that body, and unless John does something to fix it, he isn’t coming back.

John knows the path that lies ahead for Sam and Dean, and it shakes him. He’d do anything to save his sons their fate, to be there to stand with them when the time comes to choose, but that would be useless.

John stands suddenly. He brushes Dean’s forehead with the backs of his fingers and he whispers a prayer of protection, for everything that it’s worth. For once in his life, he’s sure he found a plan worth the risk.

John will save both his sons. He’ll pass on his warning to Dean, and it will be enough because Dean believes in him. And Sam will be alright, because Sam believes in Dean.

He smiles. Those boys are all he has, his whole world. He can go easy now, knowing that he’s left them each other.

It’s simple, really. All he has to do is go missing one more time. 


End file.
